Monday, September 30, 2013

_________________________


End of Book (II)


Fragments Glisten Among Stainglass

I'm sure we where here before 
In some other past life, future forthcoming 
I lay down my damaged soul along the garlands 
Like decoration 
And fill the same pot of soil 
For the weeks to come.

Blessed is October... 

Dreaming in a corroded mind, an ailing body breathes thin air
For love in eyes to glisten like a gem 
T h r o u g h 
The same starry eyes of the eyes before. 
Reflecting stainglass. 
Rain separates us... quiet now like the silence between 
The gaps of the water droplets 
On the book final page...

The remorseful 
Devoured me 
(I was once alive and in tune with reality
But tortured in the depths
To find clarity...  
To find the right misery to create from, 
Now the days, the earth, seem limited 
You have no right, I am not wrong
When I say that-
I've lived through far to much suffering to
Burden another soul 

With poetry and charm. 

You must be warned.

I do believe... 
  
There is forgiveness for the end in mind.

...

I'm sure we were here before 
In some other past life, future forthcoming 
I retire my damaged soul along the garlands 
Like decoration 
And fill the same pot of soil 
For the weeks to come.

Blessed is October... 

Dreaming in a corroded mind, ailing body breathes thin air
For love in eyes to glisten like a gem.

F r a g m e n t s  A m o n g   S t a i n g l a s s 

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Mask A Phrase

Vertebrae in candlelight 
Removed my rings to feel my hands
Come down... across orange skin
Pale me with your softest eyes 
Gleam with innocence  
Palm lines on written lines, mask a phrase
To tell you the love inside me has gone away
Would be a lie to myself for good reasons.
Read what it says, tell me everything 
Something I don't know.
Trust your instincts now, this time I may let go...

I am useless. 
A child unable to grow up. 

I am worthless

I am nothing...

I have hurt you all. 

Saturday, September 28, 2013

17 Weeks

17 weeks since June.... 
Can't sleep, feel like I'm falling...
Deeper now.
Someday very soon the fragments will be completely out of reach...
Some of you may know, others will say they were close... 
But I'm not nearly the same person anymore... 
Just a fraction of the light that fills inside. 
Gone to wast.
Feelings that you thought you had.
Remembered me.

17 weeks since June.... 

Sheltered into Frames


I know there's still a place for me
When I am sheltered into frames 
I see through happy faces...
The children on the street without a care
But their own silly games...
I've watched the old lady feed the birds 
Despite the sign that says just the opposite...

I've heard it all before. 

There's still a place for her as well.

When you think about tomorrow 
And the time for sleep has already past into day light...
The summer is nearly gone
And I have not much left to say
Still hanging on every word like it will eventually mean something. 

Maybe immortalize us 
Before the road's end...

When I walk
I walk in 

S i l e n c e 

To hear if anyone's behind
To gladly follow in my footsteps 
As the walk towards the pier
Becomes a picture in a new frame. 

She was promise resting
On a pillow far from my own...  
There was a time when I would not over think
These emotions... and dwell.
But now my mind is shot, all mixed up.
Ready for bed, ready for the next chapter.  

The sadness is killing me and yet its
The only way I can express myself 
T r u t h f u l l y . . . 

And people will abandon you....
And absent are the ones we love...
Who can never understand.
Because the hurt, hurts to much... 

Absent are the ones we love...

I know there's still a place for me
When I am sheltered into frames 

Friday, September 27, 2013

Monochrome Heart


Monochrome heart 
Is there no way to get past this... 
Thunder in the clouds 
Though hardly any rain in my months of escaping
Is there no other way...

You change your name...
Your hair, as white as snow... 
My eyes red... 
Yes, I remember the past Christmas
And the storm that fell 
The eve before.

By some waking of the days
Blaze... in the sun
To watch the year slip away
And the fear not overcome 
What was entitled to my heart 
What was entitled to... 

Had to have some curtains blocking the way
Failed to see what was missing... 
How can I fill the void, not knowing
The pain inside me? 

It's to much I know, it's far to much
I assure you. 

I want to die in this...
With light so difficult I can't tell 
The contrast between
What is bare skin and what is bleeding.

Adrenaline to the mind
For self inflicted moments. 

Than fail to fall asleep
On the same floor where I crawl from... 
Drinking when I'm to sick too... 

Even care about myself. 

Monochrome heart 
Is there no other way...

Thursday, September 26, 2013

For the Sense Of God

You are a light baring entity 
And through thin air and dust
The words
Seem to have new meaning... 
Unlike a prayer
That sometimes seems desperate 

But I don't have anything to say, really
Other than the fact that I'm a fool 
A fool for not believing. 
A fool for feeling... 
Everything so immensely...

Strong.

The sense of God...

I don't know as I really feel you

But I do? 

So I can just sit back awhile....
And let you carry the cross
For no weight on me.

No burden. 

...

This is a morning rise
In late September 
And you hear the chimes 
Calling out my name 
Or names of past friends
That never were before. 

I trust my instincts now.

Still weightless within the sounds
Not fair from heaven, in which we came from. 
Like staring into glassy eyes... 
Reflection of tears 
Be still 
To pour down your Sainted face... 

With grace 

We are not a part of the earth now.
That can never be. 
Without a part of me, 
In some small happenstance 
We are not a part of the earth now.
That can never be. 
Without a part of me

You are a light baring entity. 



Wednesday, September 25, 2013

The Eleven Wonders

Living on the edge for too long..
Finally the autumn is here
To let the senses flow through me 
P i e c e s  O f  M y  S o u l 
C o m  e  T o g e t h e r
O f  W h a t  W e r e  T h e  F r a g m e n t s . . .

Impossible to connect
I hear the crushed leaves 
A g a i n 
All the apples of the trees fall down.
Would you meet me half way
To death? 

Until death? 

I would like you to meet my spiritual guide 
(Imaginary friend)
Who thinks all things are possible...
All pain will mend 
Every sky is beautiful 
Every hurt will heal.
Every sun will shine anew
The stars will look more clearer.
And Sunday's will arrival with God inside you...

Fear without. 

...

Closer as my chest sinks in
Can't breathe...
Slowly reverses the air 
Reversing my feet 
Walking backwards in time;
The eleven wonders.... 
And down the river's stream
Of lost eyes
I see those pieces
T h o s e  F r a g m e n t s 
C o m  e  T o g e t h e r
A g a i n

Living on the edge for too long.

Would you meet me half way
To death? 

Until death? 

The eleven wonders.... 



Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Sacrifice

If it's not possible than I understand. 
Your wishes are merely out of small respects... 
Each time I've given your gift of music to someone
They fell in love with it as strongly as I did...
And I will never forget that it once revived me 
When I was in my most unfortunate state...
But this time my hero, greatest influence... 

I don't think I can see you through to the end. 


Monday, September 23, 2013

The Mercy Paradox

Dying of love... 
She would cares me with her soul 
From a good safe distance...
The walls of my world always seem small
In comparison to everyone else surviving. 

We lock ourselves away...
Close the blinds to banish the light in.  
And listen to melancholy music;
Would you dare pore me drink? 
There's no point in worrying 
We're still afraid and afraid of what
Is the mercy paradox of my heart.
With failure to connect. 
I try to evaluate... I try to seek help
But help from whom? 

The letters are dying... 
Fading in the realms of atmospherics reds and blues.
What I can't stop avoiding... 
What I need to do to achieve my dying purpose. 
But does it have to come so soon? 

I try to evaluate... I try to seek help
But help from whom?  

Dying of love... 
She would cares me with her soul 

My dying purpose. 

Is the mercy paradox of my heart.


Compromised Lines

Some people have to suffer, to see the beautiful side
Of being... 
Some never get to feel a thing. 
And everyday I dream for that?  
My lines are compromised...  
I don't want to be remembered as that 
Depressed, unhealthy, hopeless man. 
But more for the loving, compassionate 
Artistic... poet. 

Looking for reasons in the unknown. 

F e a r . 

Who offers his heart and soul... 
To shine some light in on a room that is dark.
To each his own... my blood flows like an ocean. 
I cannot be in darkness forever... 

Not without everyone I love
Knowing... 
That I am smart enough.

To make the right decision. 

I want to believe.

I always say...
Is that enough?

E n o u g h-  
T o 
W a n t-  
T o 

B e l i e v e . 

My lines are compromised...

Regardless
You will feel my love 
Eternally. 

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Sync and Fade

There has to be a hiding place where 
No soul can harm me
Physically, emotionally...
To shut myself down
To not need anything or anyone...   

Inside the capsule running red...
Hands shaking eyes saw what could not be seen
I was human for a moment, paused between 
Funnel's songs... and  the everlasting memories 
R e m e m b e r   T h e   M o s t  E n u r d i n g  O n e s 

Because time like anything has it's deadline 
And my pulse can sense the ending beat 
Is near. 
Remember the first week how long it lasted?
Almost reality numbing, pain and fear 
Sync and fade, some passion lies on the harbor there. 
H o r i z o n s 
Drenched in blood and tears. 
The worlds that never spoke...
Not in so many words 
But sent hidden messages within poems 
Written to destroy myself... 
For ever believing I was strong enough. 

Enough. 

You never were.  

There has to be a hiding place where 
No soul can harm me
Physically, emotionally...
To shut myself down
To not need anything or anyone...   

Inside the capsule running red...
Hands shaking eyes saw what could not be seen

Something Lost & Found

And if there's reason to be alive
We'll be miles away (indifferent) 
The reason to be here
Was surely a matter of consequence 
Move- the curtains above
Feel the cold sun erase...
I'll never understand the other mind
I'll never feel their pain...

(I'll never learn from my mistakes) 
Like one can adapt to 
Living with regret... living for the day
It's all that haunts me
But I can't always wonder why 
The things that won't ever seem clear again.

Somethings lost, somethings found.

Poor habits turn ignition, idle cars.

No traffic signals 
No place to park.
I think this is just one night to call it off. 

And if there's no reason to be alive
We'll be heartbeats away (indifferent) 
Move- the curtains aside 
Feel the cold sun erase...
I'll never understand the otherside 
You'll never feel my pain 

Like I do. 

But I can't always wonder why 
The things that won't ever seem clear again.

Something lost, something found.

T H E  D U S T  O F  T H I S  O L D  P A P E R 


Saturday, September 21, 2013

Otherside of Wake

It's too late for you,
I would say, join me on the otherside 
O f  W a k e 
M y  L o v e . . . 
But it's cold in here, fire underneath 
My flesh... 
The buildings are strong 
But inside... don't support 
The city all around us. 
S o  b a r r e n   
The  R i v e r 's  H e r o n 
Has retrieved the sentiments of dust.  

A beloved decay. 
C i n d e r s . 

Lay flat on his wings to see the parting 
Of another sun's embrace 
In sleepless morning...
Who will mourn for me? 
When I am the one 
E x i t i n g ? 
  
The worst of this life, so far to come
Is on the horizon of a September moon
Looking in on October,
Chasing away the anxious thoughts 
From her loving heart, fills the moonbeams; 

She was a prayer
Like when you first knew of pain...
Your mother knows your heart is beating 
Still a few clocks away from where the despair is outcome.
Or to the healing power where desire is hopeful. 

When you stare into my dreams holding flowers 
Burning dawns in amber blaze...
Made of dust now your hands covered in it... 
The pain every human offers 
When they offer everything but who they truly are.
Or say what they mean.. sometimes we hardly speak. 

But it's innocent. 
Can't make the emotional world less emotional 
...then there would be no connection to any one soul
Spiritual...  
Sounds like a heavy wind in the distance. 
Not enough for me to feel on my skin 
The passions remorseful.  

And that kind of pain is not for any friend to know.
Or family to worry, uselessly... 
I believe. 

It's too late for you,
I would say, join me on the otherside 
O f  W a k e 
M y L o v e 

It's cold in here.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Indifferent Us

This is a new Mass 
An audience for the drug seekers...
Are you just looking for a high...? 
Or are you masking withdrawal symptoms 
Here there is no God, 
Or he is just there to remind us 
Life can be cruel and indifferent to us
When taken for grated. 

For all the beautiful and meaningful things 
You doubt...
For the dumb who never question a single 
Philosophical topic 
When your head's in the clouds 
There's no amount of fear that can drive a person
To desperate measures
Until the lack of air brings you back down 
And the world that once looked so beautiful and holy.
Now the pale is to bright and the sky is bruising


All of me, for just a part of you.  

Give me something, give me anything 
To ease the pain, to mask the heartache  

Here there is no God, 
Or he is just there to remind us 
Life can be cruel and indifferent to us
When taken for grated. 

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

The Mass For Human Suffering

My life will bleed out all mixed emotions
Let it dissolve in the rain 
For tonight's music... 
This is a mass for human suffering 
A ritual to provoke you going over the edge. 
Tonight's panic in the dark
Drunken, disillusioned, mindless
Stoned, burned out
Benzodiazepines withdrawal syndrome 
Between doses 
Living hell. 

It's pathetic 
I'm not the only one whose in pain here 
We're all in pain. 
The fire will spread
And I will be the cause of it all. 
Where in your lifetime of mistakes 
Has ever given life a meaning? 

A memory of an unread letter 
Uses references to the film a very long engagement 
Seems I lost it all but my will to be creative 
Even in death and uncertainly after.
To write it all out because it still don't make sense
By some snowball effect 
I will miss this all the same, even greater.

Anyone who has loved me, you are loved in return. 
Religion you can pretend I don't care.
But the truth is,  I've tried to get in touch with you
Endless times, lonely Sundays on an evening breeze
Waiting for forgiveness. 
T h e   E y e s   o f   I n n o c e n c e 
This time I won't be praying for myself
As I become the next chapter of a book
I have no ending for... 

Would you absolve the darkness I've entered through
Would it be wrong to end myself if I'm not myself
Anymore? 
God, what are you exactly? 

Sunsets blinding... beauty in a rivers stream
Reflection, I am not there
I am make believe
Like you! 
Hollow wind fills the trees 
There's a murder of crows 
Picking away my flesh 

And the rest of the scene are picture stills 
From a Polaroid.

With passion pays a price 
A love so sound but you can't write the words 
For them to be spoken let alone spoken louder. 
And you can't be seen if you don't walk out that door 
Yourself.  
I fear the sound of that door behind
I fear the room I am in.  

Tonight's panic in the dark
Drunken, disillusioned, mindless
Stoned, burned out
Benzodiazepines withdrawal syndrome 
Between doses

Living hell. 


Even in death and uncertainly after.
To write it all out because it still don't make sense
By some snowball effect 
I will miss this all the same, even greater.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Absent Presences

Evening breeze sprinkled last nights rain...
Something's coming through
I feel... but do not dare confess it...
To overcome
Impossible circumstances 
Something's coming through 
Something's inevitable. 

But how will I hear the rain then
If tomorrow is gone? 

Since April, I lost the will
Took me such a long time to destroy 
And rebuild, to bleed and to heal
To suffer more the bigger fears 
I had no idea would resurface...
Anxiety to the waking eyes 
And the fears that were traumatic...
Leave a broken man in fragments 

Just the way we are.  

Of living despite not having the reason to. 
I must first write my name in the sand
From the spiritual side of me...
Still finding solace and comfort in 
Dead places, old movies
Train tracks & Cemeteries... 

Always a wonder in the air.
To something more than life...
Mystery of life fulfill the empty space. 
Something maybe we're all starring directly past....
But I know the significance of me... 
The one who wanders 
Holding out my hand to the absent presences 
For her to graze me with her touch... 
For her shadow... 
Never cast by the sun. 
Away on moonbeams...
For no light to fill the air. 

But I know that if you were here and truly loved me
Than I could die that very day 
Without any regret inside. 

Just an evening breeze that sprinkled last nights rain

Of something's coming through 
Something's inevitable. 

Monday, September 16, 2013

Of Two Summerlands


Black procession in the rain
I never thought there was anything else but you 

The wind is getting cold 

Cold at heart
Indifference
Thought they were your best friends 

You're finally getting old

Tears & flowers 

From the one 
You never would expect. 

Always in love with you


....

My heart will bleed out
A silent flat line
The sound before the sound
B e f o r e
I purge your love.

And with love and loss

I purge myself as well... 

Let it be a well known fact
Her foreign accent still remains in the creative depths.
Still seeking sorrow for a cure
There is no cure for...

I never thought there was anything else but you.

The wind is getting cold.


...

I know you're not quite ready yet
But there's nothing to be afraid of. 

The Human Core.

If you are hearing me
Without ever a word spoken
There is a deepness
A meaning that may never serve a purpose
To all that I fail to 
Come across... 
If you are hearing me
Without ever a word spoken
There is a deepness

That you may mean more than you know. 

...

The forest was damp this Sunday
As rain fell when hands were joined in candlelight
I didn't want to think, or even mention 
My savior escape, dependent enemy 
Always asking for more... 
Forever demanding. 

Where do we draw the line? 
Is there no pause or end for relief? 
My savior escape, dependent enemy 
Always asking for more,
And paying double the consequence 

(For what was once a portal to 
A beautiful world

Sickening.)

I n n o c e n c e   N o w 
On the judgment day of life 
This is not the time or place 
Last living memory
I will surrender to...
This is not the me I use to know,
I fail to keep little pieces from breaking apart
I fail, 
To surrender to... 
The needle that hurts just the right amount.

(For a portal to a beautiful world)

Sickening. 

I n n o c e n c e   N o w 
On the judgment day of life 

...

Ever worrisome is the heart
I strive to get close to you...
But you're miles away, within the eyes
I stare into 
A sense of understanding 
Without a history. 

If you are hearing me
Without ever a word spoken

There is a deepness

That you may mean more than you know. 

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Red Among Green

KINGDOM OF DUST
Something repeating 
You and I are second

I n  T h e  R a c e   F o r   O n e ...

Like a misplay 
In a game I don't know the rules of 
There is common ground here
Among the others..
But the human heart beats like a drum
My rhythm waiting... 
For something new to start. 

I think I found you...

Missing in the 
Green apple tree,
The one Red among the others 
Shining off the light 
Not allowed to get to close to? 

There is a pause in the beat
Only for a moment... 
But never a break in the wind
Where the dust drifts both near and far...
The anxiety comes back again. 
Even stronger. 

...

I sprinkle the dust on my boots 
Among the footsteps we walked
As rain forms in the clouds above us...
Nothing falls...
Like emotional clouding.
There are no tears... but a sense of losing.

You and I are second

I n  T h e  R a c e   F o r   O n e ...

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Emergence


In order for me to write
I must walk into the garden
Where she is still young
And i can't remember her name. 

You are alone in the room now
Free to panic without anyone knowing
Seeing you this way
(The destruction the mind
Has on the body...)
My threshold divided and the urgency
For faith and guidance 
Because I can do no more 
H a r m   t o   Y o u 

For the passion of the words
The mixed pages
Torn to   F r a g m e n t s
For a momentary place
Where together we both existed
Not in our separate ways.  

Inside us just an open core
Always looking for something to fill
The chemical void...
People always passing by us
Like we were never there
Never thought of...

Pass through the suffering for a brief moment 
To share...
To share... 
What it is I'm feeling.
What it is I can't explain to anyone
Especially my family


Because I can do no more 
H a r m   t o   T h e m  

My love, it hurts 
So deeply. 

...

What it is I will feel when I'm out of body
And earth emerges through
As I past beyond.

Into the great white open...

...

In order for me to write.

Friday, September 13, 2013

p a s t u r e

Skeleton key won't unlock the cellar door
Anymore, 
O f   t  h i s  c h u r c h 
Of  t h i s  p a s t u r e 
The gates won't open to free.
A place of dwelling 
A childhood sanctuary... 

When in time
Heals 

But we still write little messages 
Turn them into poems... 
I sing my lyrics to myself 
When no one else is around 
To hear me... 

Sing

And no one is ever here...

O f  t  h i s  c h u r c h 
O f  t h i s  p a s t u r e 
The gate won't open free.
A place of dwelling 
A childhood sanctuary.

When in time.
Heals. 

...

I try to deny the feelings that were
And what had become
A deep connection to another soul. 
With every emotion.  
Interrupted the rotation of the earth
And the balance inside my head
I never use to inflict pain like this 
To myself 
Now I envision the perfect day 
Strengthen by love and free of hollow emptiness 
To plant red roses where
I stood and prayed 

Where you hung your head...
And I fell silent behind the unlocked door. 

Hoping one day that you may enter 
Before I leave this world. 

...

Skeleton key won't unlock the cellar door
Anymore 

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Compulsion


Twisted up my future
So I can live another day. 
Foreseen no reasonable outcome
As the cold wind remains

Even in the summertime
Some candles burn still. 
Now all colours are gray
& compulsion takes a hold.  

Tears don't mean anything.
As you watch down the same street
For motion going by...
(Is it in the trees that amounts the energy,
That amounts our sanity?
In believing that there could be 
Something more than this... )

New lights shine what use to be darkness
But my eyes are to sensitive and so are the emotions...

To just try or fail to 

L i v e   A n o t h e r   D a y . 

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Depression Eyes

To warm and bright
I felt the feverish sun with no mercy on me.
The pale angel ghost 
Has but tears now from fresh rain
Mounment shadow
On the windowpane

S t a y   H e r e 
W i  t h   M e.

S p a r k  U p  
A  M a t c h . 
-F r o m 
Y o u r  L i t t l e  B o o k 

Tell me you love me.

Always and forever, 

...

The nights before...
The wakening,
The curtains of a new dawn
Ascending the depression eyes 
Into open spaces... 

I inspire myself to stay alive and I-
Inspire myself to die.
Merely innocent...
Which one will be spoken from here,
Upon the nearing gravestone...
As all the trees fall silent of echoes
Which one will be spoken from here,

Or will we not speak? 

Someday in autumn, maybe Sunday.
You'll find what was taken from your soul
(What little it takes to those most compassionate) 
Left me depleting and distant to everyone. 
Left me a fraction of the colour behind the eyes.
Now within foggy vision 
And a smile of compromise.... 
Because nothing will ever be the same again. 

But I've accepted that.

Someday in autumn, maybe Sunday.

You'll arrive to watch the planes dissolve 
Into the sky of- two severe horizons...  
With a bomb in your chest, 
Just the heart beating fast...
Of anxiety never ending.  

There is no departure from here...
When the light hall becomes dark and narrow
Remember to think back at this point in your life 
When something could have saved you...

I know you could have. 

... 

She knows she will. 

Always and forever.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Old Memory

Connect the dots
From beating hearts
Until the same horizon 
S c a r s  B l o o d  R e d 
Upon the hill...

I'm just walking alone you know?
To find peace in a lone star... 
Maybe one that doesn't shine so bright
Though I still see life in others eyes...

Mine, they stare right through...

I can breathe much better on these full moons..
((Nights))
I know the cold wind will blow 
And eventually I will crawl 
Back into 
My hiding place...

Shrine the eyes away...

Shrine the eyes away..
From the new sun...
Old memory.
And start to sleep again...

Deprived only 
O f  W h a t  Y o u  L e f t  B e h i n d . 

Monday, September 9, 2013

Love Among Ghosts



You don't have to speak, say a word...
You don't have to stand up when I enter the room 
You don't have to hold back and say I'm wrong
I will always admit that... 

When under a certain light we are given life back
To hold and too cherish 
Together as ghosts;

From where I'm standing and from what I see
My vision is a bit blurry now..
Like the arrival of a dream
Some logic is missing some clarity void 
Where frustration and fear are bounded 
The human soul suspend paranoid...

Not by the ones who made their impressions
Time and time again.
Proving their love sufficient- by not only saying
But by conveying what is meant 
 I n  T h e i r  H e a r t
C o u l d   P o s s i b l y   H e a l . .  .

Could possibly be safe,
If only for a moment.
One day to become the keeper of the flame. 

From where I'm standing and from what I see
My vision is a bit blurry now..
Like the arrival of a dream
Some logic is missing some clarity void 
Where frustration and fear are bounded 
The human soul suspend paranoid...

But it doesn't prevent me from feeling what I feel
And what you feel is emptiness... 
And what I feel doesn't change a fucking thing...

The heart among strangers 

You don't have to speak, say a word...
You don't have to stand up when I enter the room 
You don't have to hold back the tears when I'm dying 
Because part of me is already gone. 

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Cryptic Red


What is it that I do not know... 
Have the raven's all sung in the coir from ghosts?
Or is it angel you believe in... 
The river streams a silence filled with inner voice
My voice connecting with silence and the tree's in the forest

There are no altars here 
Yet we kneel below the petals in the grass, 
Almost conflicting senses 
Of over fear and over joy. 

The scent reminds us of stainglass.
There are no altars here 

Just an open field for you and I. 

...

To connect without departing 
The reality is not the reality, what you once were
What we all were... 
In contrast to not living, the burden seems small.

The holy angel's pray in the dark 
while earth is capture by one beating heart 
The heart that is not dying...
Still has a soul... a place outside us.
The holy angel's pray in the dark

Outside my window 
Red
The colour of their glow
The biblical sky behind them
With no halo around. 
But a look in their eyes...
The winter steps frozen over. 
Where part of my soul had past through 
The fogy window.
Seeing the pieces of us,,, 
As the years went by, the age grew older.

The elderly past, and so do the young.
Some that never were, become. 
And those that were... continue always...

Outside my window
Red
The colour of their glow

I hope she comes back.

...

To connect without departing. 

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Reluctant to Fall


There is no God in me tonight
Despite my golden chain, religious pendents
As I had seen through the blistering sky
Clouds of disrepair, and anguish  
A tightness in my chest
That never leaves
As I know I've let the ones I love down. 

And let them down repeatedly 

Not knowing whether I've lost control.
From where your standing there's no way to tell...
See the tears in my eyes, that have been reluctant to fall
Repress the fear, repress the love, the doctors and these conditions 

Just find the proper door, the saddest day to exit.  

...

There's no colour of blue in the sky 
Like there once was
That day in June... 
I felt that... all the pain
Was for a purpose
A reason to overcome. 
....and now I feel as
Though
The purpose is the end. 

Because it even takes the slightest ounce of strength 
To breathe the air I don't have. 

May just be as beautiful remembering.
What could have been...
We're all in the happenstance 
Connected in someway... 

((We gaze at the sky))

There is no God in me tonight.

Misguided

Turn to the  c a n d l e l i g ht
Feel it's glow,
In contrast with the chill  o u t s i d e
You know the fear is there,
But you can't really feel it
Whether your numb enough now
Or the dark thoughts make no difference
The mind is not in control like it once was,
The nerves are all misguided.

The books they are unbinding

The way glass hits the surface
All pieces shatter out of place
What was once whole.
And truthfully sacred
Becomes a body of scars...
Blessed-less and evil.

I know the titles are sometimes repeated
As are the f r a g m e n t s
And the personality of his spirit
Be i n g
With no reflection under the glass

No sentiment to a song that once was more beautiful
Than the heart could bare....
Though the poems are still written
With such strong emotion
The passion will not end until the memory dies.
And the memories are repeated...

As are the f r a g m e n t s

Starring back with eyes...
With no reflection under the glass

Turn to the  c a n d l e l i g ht
Feel it's glow,
In contrast with the chill  o u t s i d e
You know the fear is wrong...

Friday, September 6, 2013

After Light

You may destroy yourself if you want to.
In the depth of the soul there's a face still appearing...
No boundaries now... you are free to wonder 
But may she still hear the insane voice calling 
Save me 
Save me... 
The trap of what has became a blessing.
If God had his best work belittled
By his own creation... 

No boundaries now... you are free to wonder 
But may she still hear the insane voice calling 
I will always love you
I will always love you...

Be this a new beginning
Or the end of all suns.  

The after light will guide me through
Pulsate the blood out from my heart 
To be become complexity elusive 
While the raven bird will fly from it's haven 
And what's left of my voice will carry on before me 
Written in a short hand made book
That was given to me by a stranger...

Who I will always love. 

Be this a new beginning
Or the end of all suns.  

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Recalling

Faces are changing 
And so in the wind...
You ask me, how I'm doing
How is the life in the light of September
Any different...?
Than where we were before...
The noise from the car...
As it failed to start,
I will just walk on 
Recalling certain melancholy music 
In a time where I could feel the sadness behind my eyes.

... 

The meaning was deeper than...
The thoughts more clear...
And now a slave to prescriptions 
The candlelight on blurry eyes 
Receiving a vision of the colour red 
Streams idle from my arms... 
The warmth of something cold 
The fear of something beautiful 

The nervous system of my human form 
This body, 
The world around it... 
Consuming whole.  

Adding failure.


You ask me, how I'm doing
How is the life in the light of September
Any different...?
Than where we were before...
The noise from the car...
As it failed to start,
I will just walk on 

Recalling certain melancholy music 

Summer in the Undertow

Can we just fade away like the summer in the undertow 
The heart is replaced by the addictions,
The mind is corrupted the soul
By the rest of the worlds views....
You see, I fear 
In times of need, there's nothing else

But subsistence abuse;

I pinpoint my feelings so abruptly 
But I never say what I think...
It's all caged inside, the walls between  
And passion is dying
The dyeing's of the stainglass... the portraits
The photographs,
It seems the pages are filled
But what's happening to me
Is likely the tragedy of unknown. 

Or the art of mystery. 

But I still cling... 
To anything worth saving 
Just another day...  another flaw of my strength 
Where something's always missing. 

The music in your little room 
There so beautiful,   
But she's the one 

That did this to you... 

A heaven cannot be replace by the reality on earth.
There watching TV screens, computer monitors 
To see a broken man, whole.  

 Why can't I go into the forest and learn to pry? 

Where in the cemetery have the monuments corrode? 
To read no Epitaphs... old or new. 

And in the churchyard by the tracks, I'm one fear older... 
One line closer 
To not ever knowing.. 
What I cannot bare witness to...

Alone. 

Tears are crying but nothings showing in the eyes. 

And to the final word 
That love is a fragment
Missing to the core. 
Like the earth without nature. 
Or a prayer without a church. 

In living hell. 

Because my hearts in darkness I need my love ones to know...
There's only one way forward from this, that I can tell..

A heaven cannot be replace by the reality on earth.